


heal.

by monellez



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Allison is mute in this, Gen, Introspection, Post-Canon, Sorry guys, Vanya Hargreeves-centric, but they're still trying their best to be a family, there were consequences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 13:53:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18703642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monellez/pseuds/monellez
Summary: The apocalypse was averted but not without consequences.Vanya looks into the future as her family moves forward together.





	heal.

It was her fault. 

Although they were trying to move forward, she couldn’t forgive herself for what happened.

She caused the apocalypse and, although it did not occur in this timeline, she would not forget that she was the cause that her siblings died and Five went through the trauma that he did.

She wished that Five had been able to go further into the past, not just a few hours before the concert. Maybe it was cowardly of her but the weight of the guilt was too much for her.

Mom was still dead, and, although Diego had reassured her that he forgave her, she could see how Mom’s death had impacted him. The solemn look he would get sometimes and how, on the worst days, he was reluctant to talk to her. She couldn’t blame him. She missed mom too and also blamed herself.

Pogo was also dead. Although she wasn’t too close to him in the past (but wasn’t that the case with everyone in the Academy?), she had still cared for him. His deception still stung (he was just following her father’s orders, so why did it still feel like a personal betrayal?) but he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He didn't deserve what  _she_ did to him.

And Allison…. That was something she could never forgive herself for. 

The damage that she had caused was permanent and there was nothing she could do to change that. Allison had reassured her over and over again that she didn’t blame her. She knew that she meant it but it wasn’t enough to alleviate her guilt. Sure, their bond was getting better. Allison genuinely seemed like she forgave her and wanted to make up for what happened when they were younger. They were finally real sisters, but... it wasn't the same.

Vanya wished that it hadn’t taken the literal end of the world for them to be in good terms again.

She also wished that she had never attacked Allison. The pain in her face whenever she attempted to say anything- in vain most of the time, the moments when Allison forgot that she could no longer talk and tried to say something just for her face to crumble as she realized that she could no longer do that and had to write it down instead was devastating. It reminded Vanya of her failure to control her powers. It was a constant reminder of what she did and she knew that no matter how good their relationship currently was, they would never be what they could have been.

Sometimes, the guilt was too much and she avoided Allison altogether. It wasn’t Allison’s fault (it was hers, it was always hers.) She knew it hurt her sister but the guilt was just too much sometimes and if the Academy had taught her anything at all, it was self-preservation. She knew Allison understood, which just made her feel worse.

Despite everything, however, things were also getting better.

Since the Academy was destroyed, they decided to move to one of Dad’s safehouse to help Vanya control her powers. She insisted that they didn’t have to do all that for her but, after everything that happened, everyone wanted to rebuild their bonds and become a real family. The move was actually good for everyone, she believed. The Academy held too many memories. Their new home was something that was theirs. New just like the budding bonds between them.

Their relationship was still strained but it was improving. 

Luther and Diego still argued about every other thing but it lacked the heat from before. Even their fights were half-hearted at best. Vanya knew that the only reason they kept arguing was because they didn’t know how else to talk to each other. The thought saddened her but she knew that they were working on it. 

Her relationship with Luther was… complicated. She wanted to forgive him for what he did, but it was hard to. A part of her was still angry at him for locking up her when she needed him the most and no amount of apologizing changed that. She was also afraid. Afraid that he would change his mind one day and she would wake up in that room again. Alone. Abandoned once again by the siblings that she was trying to trust.

Luther was genuinely trying to change, she knew. But it was hard to let go of the past. She hoped she would one day see Luther without feeling afraid. 

Luckily, she also had Five. They had been close when they were children and, although they had both changed much over the years, their love for each other was still there. Behind his cocky attitude, he was fiercely protective of her, no matter how much he tried to hide it. She was glad that he was back. She had missed him so much.

To her surprise (and relief), despite being paranoid about the apocalypse, he never blamed her for it. 

Instead, he helped her in any way he could and promised her that everything would be alright. That he would make sure that the apocalypse never happened. That she would control her powers and not worry about hurting anyone again. Despite any challenged that they faced along the way, he came up with a plan and made sure that they were able to move forward together.

Vanya also helped him. She was surprised that Five went to her when he was vulnerable. He had told her that he trusted her the most. She did not believe it until he went with her when the trauma (not that Five would call it that) from the past caught up to him and he needed to talk to someone.

They never talked about it. Not that Five would ever admit that it happened. But she was still honored that Five gave her that much trust despite everything that she did.

Interestingly enough, Vanya and Klaus had gotten closer than she expected. 

In a way, he understood her in a way that the others didn’t. He knew how it felt to be afraid of his own power, and, although the reasoning was different, she felt a camaraderie with him once she realized this. She told him of the nightmares she had where she lost control and caused the end of the world- again. How sometimes, she thought that maybe she should just take the pills her father prescribed her so that she wouldn’t hurt anyone again. How she was afraid of taking the pills and being numb because even though her powers _ terrified _ her, they were also a part of her and she didn’t want to lose that part of herself again. 

He listened and he understood. He didn’t give her advice, not really. Instead, he talked about ghost and how they would never shut up. He talked about how they begged him to help him despite him not being able to do anything and how it was too much. Too much. Too much. It was always too much. He told her stories of his addiction and how, when the screaming was overwhelmed him, he wanted-oh so badly- to feel the relief of being numb once more time.

Maybe it wasn’t healthy, but hearing his struggle made her feel better. It made her feel less alone. 

Sure, their situation was different. But knowing that someone understood the feeling of wanting to escape their powers. 

It was nice.

So, things weren’t perfect. They would probably never be. But they were trying to rebuild their relationship into something better: A real family.

They were all shattered and the past could never be erased, but maybe, just maybe, they could heal together.

**Author's Note:**

> I love this dysfunctional family. 
> 
> I meant to write a Klaus-centric fic with an actual plot but I wrote this instead. I didn't even beta it, but we die like men I guess. 
> 
> the relationship between these characters is so interesting and I wanted to write my take on it if things didn't end as neatly as in some fics. I haven't written fanfic in years so I hope this is decent. This has probably been done a million times but, if you're reading this, I hope you enjoy it (because I sure enjoyed writing it.)
> 
> I have a few more ideas for fanfics which I may write in the future so that's exciting! 
> 
> If you want to talk about the Umbrella Academy, I'm currently obsessed.
> 
> (I also have a Political Science final and a final paper due this Monday but who needs to worry about that when you can write fanfic, am I right?)


End file.
